Being a Real Friend


Excerpt from How to Find a Good Husband in 365 days

As you are dating and meeting new potential candidates for ‘husbanddom’ –do not share major details with your girlfriends. As a matter of fact do not share any information at all if you can. And if you MUST share, it must be positive light-hearted comments only. DON’T talk badly about your ‘bad’ dates or ‘rude’ dates because ALL dates are GOOD. Praise God you have a date! And the more the better.

Be kind to your girlfriends, but distance yourself from them slowly to make room for your husband. Why? You are creating space. Preparing room for your husband. All your room must not be dominated by girlfriends. But Yorrelle I love my girlfriends they are always there for me. I love going out every weekend with my girls. I value my friendships!

Most married women I know have girlfriends but they also have full busy lives that encompasses family. Their real girlfriends understand this and value catching up when they can because they too are busy with their own lives. If you have girlfriends where all you do is sit around commiserating or gossiping this is not a friendship. You will want to put your girlfriends in their proper place because remember you are an eagle who is meant to soar not a chicken clucking with a bunch of other hens!

Do NOT get into ‘man conversations’ with other women or anyone for that matter. Do not compare notes. Do not say what you or what you would not do with a man once or how you will or will not treat him. These conversations are pointless and are silly conversations and should be limited. When you are engaged in these conversation, smile and offer very little commentary and if possible quickly change the subject. Why? Because you are wanting a husband! And watch, yes, watch how these conversations can quickly change to negative stereotypes about men and women relationships, which can be a downer and remind you ‘how hard it is to find a good man’. Thing is you are no longer buying that dog food because you are eating at a better table.

In addition, I have seen first hand the ol’ saying ‘no one wants a sardine sandwich until you make yourself one’. My Mom had warned me about sharing too much information with girlfriends and I have seen a woman’s fiance stolen right from under her because she went on and on about how wonderful “her man” was. It is incredibly unfortunate and we always reap what we sow, yet it is tough to go through. Keep your cards close to your vest. And if you have to, you don’t have to mention you are dating at all. Wait until you have invitations to send out instead. Wedding invitations, that is. Better yet wait until you are married.

Wow Yorrelle you sound cruel and that is not being a real friend! The question is how do you define a friend? I see a friend as someone who believes in their friend and wants what’s best for them. If you have a friend then you will not be their scratching post but a lifter. Someone who encourages, yet does not waste time in idle gossip. AND most importantly, this will weed out the genuine friends from “commiserators”.

Again if you have the time, read or re-read The Rules and refer to Rule #1. Be a creature unlike any other.

YOU are a cut above that! The Lord has a perfect plan for YOU specifically and you do NOT want to miss out.

Please read this aloud.

 

2 Corinthians 5:17 King James Version (KJV)

17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

We can all fall into this trap at times so be careful. Look at your situation with new eyes, see your progress and give thanks.

There are certain Mara’s out there that are drawn to you like a moth to a flame because they themselves are unhappy. You may be a good friend, but is this friend good for YOU? I have seen time and time again these Mara hanger on types that are like hens and watchers, feeding off your life. Be mindful because if there is a Mara around, that means that you too may be one as well.  To test if you are acting like a Mara, question yourself internally (Remember we ALL act like Mara’s from time to time, the goal is to recognize and get back in sync with your inner Esther):

  1. Are you gossiping talking badly about anyone behind their back? Particularly women who seem to be happy and doing will?
  2. Do you secretly cheer when something not-so-good happens to a ‘happy couple’ that you know?
  3. Do you sit in on or weigh in on any gossip that is going on with friends or family members that are unhappy?
  4. Do you love celebrity gossip? enjoy watching reality tv trainwrecks?
  5. Are you secretly jealous or resentful when someone, particularly other women, appear to be living better than you? (Oops, this is ME all the way!!!)
  6. Do you sit and talk to girlfriends on the phone for hours?
  7. Here is a surefire way to recognize if you are acting like a Mara: You have one or more Maras in your life and you talk badly about them! If you have a bad thing to say about this Mara, then look in the mirror, you are probably a Mara!!!

Some of you have been in a Mara place for a long, long time and it is a tough thing to recognize and more importantly admit to yourself. Imagine being a Mara for years (me!) But if you are a Mara (or your name IS actually Mara) take heart, you can ALWAYS change. We were not born a Mara. God is good this way and He will make you brand new.  Remember God runs a beauty shop!

Oddball story, years ago i happened to get into a conversation with a woman who told me she was happily married for over 10 years to a nice man and had a beautiful little girl,. They had just moved to the area and she was settling in and we began to talk regularly.  As our conversations went on it went into a deeper topics of how this was her second marriage. I asked what she learned from her first marriage that she has changed in this marriage.  She immediately said she would not have women over to her house when her husband was there! Come to find out that her husband slept with her good friend. She told me to keep my relationship details to myself as she learned to do the same.

There is nothing wrong with trusting people, but there is also wisdom. You would not ask your single friend for marriage advice or even dating advice because she is single! You would not ask your mechanic for feminine advice (or maybe you would). Yet more than likely you would not.

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